Volume 21. Conclusion.

Last night, I stayed up late to begin my tradition of annual reflection as each birthday comes near. I often start this tradition by reading through past posts, and sort through the year's taken photos, glancing at yet another full set of twelve months worth of memories. I often reflect on lessons learned, points taken, friends found and anything else that uniquely describes the past year in perfect retrospect. While year 20 was a challenging year, it helped me become stronger, more ambitious and more humbled for the next to come. People may not know this, but oddly enough on the night I turned 21, I sat in my room and cried. It was an unusual way to welcome in another birthday, but the truth of the matter is that I was in a time of my life where I had been the most tired of life's hills and climbs. My muscles of faith, hope and happiness were sore like when you overwork your arms and legs at the gym. It had come to a point in which I felt like I had crawled my way to year 21, and even as the minutes and seconds to midnight counted down, I felt like I was crossing the finish line of a marathon. Exhausted as hell, surprised to have made it, and most of all while the crowd was cheering me on and ready to celebrate, I was simply ready to sit down and just take it easy. And so in this reflection, I'd like to take some time to write about how the rest of the year went. Because surprisingly enough, as dramatic as the eve of my 21st birthday was, I've been able to gain energy back into life. In some ways, I've found my pace again. A fresh breathe of cold air after your legs have rested, and your blood is just about ready to flow.

FOR STARTERS

Year 21 brought me many things. For starters, I moved into my first apartment, launched my career, graduated from college, and traveled to New York and D.C. For some more random bits, I visited Michael Jackson's star in Hollywood the weekend he past away, met a really good friend that the entire world knows as Obama, and for the first time ever, voted and watched on with America as the real Obama made one hell of an inspiring victory speech in Chicago.

(FAMILY) x 3 

Perhaps the biggest gift that my 21st gave me was a new sense of family.  By Christmas, my step-mom arrived in the United States and ever since she's been here, I have enjoyed her company. She's brought love, hope and energy back into my small family. And even better, a few months later, my sister came as well...with a pleasant surprise! Just when I thought my family had grown by two, it actually grew by three. On July 15, I welcomed in a niece, and baby Ryanne was born. By far, this is what I enjoyed most about my year. While continuing to remember and honor my mother, fate and destiny brought a new family to my life here on Earth. A family to begin starting to look to again and enjoy life. It was a refocus in the lense of what I perceived as value and importance. Hardly anything mattered as much as time with my family this past year. And that alone has given me great strength.

TAKING A LEAP

As with many people who turn 21, I have observed that there is a bit of a "leap" that occurs for many of us. For some of us, it is a leap of freedom. For others, it is a leap of opportunity. Many take on their 21th year as a leap of change. And while there are many different leaps taken amongst people who turn 21, each leap signifies something that had lacked prior to reaching the magic age. A leap towards the new year often sets out to conquer the things that had dominated throughout our teenage years, and at many times had peaked in the first year of our twenties. Whether it was restrictions by our parents or the law, or misfortunes of decisions and circumstances or routines that had driven us and our growth into the ground, turning 21 gave everybody a chance to take back what was theirs and begin with a fresh start.


For me, turning 21 allowed me to take a leap of security.

The past year before turning 21, life was a time of doubt, anxiety and uncontrollable twists and turns that made living quite exhausting. Along with the macro situation of what was and still is happening in America, security was something that flew out the window. But besides financial security, I had little to hang to when I was 20. Emotions, goals, my future. If you had asked me, I was clueless about where I was and where I was headed. And so after catching my breath and seeing another year given to me by the Lord, I began to getting my feet wet again. I saw the wind catch the sails, and I felt the first bar of battery charge up inside of me for the first time in a while. Realizing how far I have come, though struggled, I was ready to take on life again. And that is exactly what I did. Through the opportunities I put energy into, I found a sense of security. I wouldn't say it is the strongest as it could be, but life is stabilizing in a way that I could now begin to feel that incline of a slope I've been most looking forward to.

To year 22, I'm very excited to continue the charge. To 21, thank you for a great year! To celebrate such a progressive year, I've included a slideshow (via My FlickR) of just some of the past year's memories.

Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow

Why not think about times to come,
And not about the things that you've done,
If your life was bad to you,
Just think what tomorrow will do.
Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterdays gone, yesterdays gone.

It's taken me a while to say it, but with the fall season now here, and almost one year since some of the worst news regarding the economy hit the fence, life is T-O-U-G-H. Easier in some places, but sometimes it feels that it has hit home here in southern California the hardest.  People are definitely struggling. And it's not just my family feeling it - I'd say my dad and I are hanging on the side of a lifeboat; safe (for now), above water - but both knowing that there have been better times that were not so long ago in memory. Others unfortunately are out in the sea, threading to stay afloat looking for a safe place to hang onto until some safe haven comes into sight. It's frustrating to think about when this recession will end, or better yet - when life in California becomes prosperous again. I read this article titled, "Will California become America's first failed state?" while at work today and to realize that this was the place that I called home humbled me in my office chair at my desk.

In my opinion, there are not many things that we, as individuals, can do to push America back onto its feet and get our country to run, fly and soar like it has before. It will take our government to step up and decide on what is best for our country. It will take corporations to determine how to make us competitive in every industry we are losing jobs to. In the natural scheme of things, we - the citizens - are just looking out for ourselves and our families at this point.  It's hard to keep your head up and think about how it feels living in the best country on the planet when nobody around you has a job and your daily spending budget equals the amount you used to tip restaurants back in the day. But what I have learned recently, is that there actually are things we all could do while we as a nation (and in my case, as a state, city, community and family) continue to dig us out of this massive hole.

Don't stop thinking about tomorrow.

While the faith-based person in me continues to praise the belief that we should give our all today and thank God for the present - in many ways, my faith calls to seek the goodness of the future. There is nothing unnatural about the unfortunate recession we live in. Economies grow, expand, burst, pop, implode, shrink, shrivel, and start over. One day, opportunities will be better than what it's like for all of us at this very moment in time.

But, will we be better for ourselves? By the time this nation heals, will we be still here to enjoy it? It made me think recently more and more about my perspective on seeking tomorrow's wealth, security and happiness. What issues today will not matter when the recession is over? What do I grunt and care about now that will no longer be important when it is time to enjoy life in this country again? Money woes. School loans. Materialisism. Even more importantly - what issues today will matter when the recession is over? Professional skills. Relationships. Health.

I do all I can today, but never stop thinking about tomorrow. By keeping America's brighter days in mind, it helps me keep a calm and logical perspective about life living in a recession. It helps me determine what is important to do now, and what I am doing now that will not be important tomorrow. It reminds me to focus on my skills, cherish my family and friends and take control of my health. It filters out the madness of debt, insecurity and luxuries I once had - and let's me face the things that are truly important to life.

With the family at Disneyland. October 2009.

"What happened to us being the kids?!"

Today, I was blessed to spend my third straight weekend with my dad's side of the family as the result of two cousins' birthdays and a heart walk event that took place last weekend. It feels so good to hang out with these loving people as life becomes such a machine out here in LA. Ever since college finished up, work has taken its toll on my daily routine and though while it is exciting and meaningful, it just does not add up to what I get from spending time with the family that I grew up with.

I am slowly getting to a point where I am realizing the life bonds I have with my cousins who are close to me of age. It is a shame that I had not realized any of this earlier, but - it's never too late to begin. It must be something to do with me being an only child - I just naturally was not at all sure what a relationship with any relative in my generation would be like.  But now, especially in the last three weeks, I'm seeing how we are all slowly embodying our parents. Sure, in no way are we close to 50 or 60 yet, but in many ways - the drinking, the joking, the singing, etc. - we are all slowly transitioning into the next group of what we used to call 'the old people'. Wow, how can that be?

Here is an example of what I'm talking about. Tonight, as I sipped on my Corona and played with my Blackberry while many cousins around me ate, smoked and were telling jokes outside of my Ninang's house, soap bubbles were making their way onto the table and near my legs. My Kuya Paul's kids who are now getting big were running around in and out of the house playing with each other and anything they can get their hands on. And that was where, for a quick moment, time froze - and I stepped back and let the realization happen...

I was at my cousin Jimmy's 23rd birthday. What happened to us being the kids?! I was just interrupted sending a Tweet out on my phone when some soap bubble popped right in front of my face. Wasn't Jimmy and I supposed to be the ones blowing the soap bubbles?! After that, Kuya Paul's other daughter shouted hello from the second floor window and everybody waved back. Oh my god, that's what we used to do! Jimmy noticed also, and we both looked at each other and started laughing.

It's one of those times in your life where you're caught off guard in realizing something in particular, but you're happy you realize around the people you love.

Crazy times, these past three weeks! Here are some photos to recap all three ocassions.

My cousin Lainel rocking the mic.

Me and my cousin, Ali. Happy Birthday!

Team AZ at the 2009 Heart Walk in Simi Valley!

And of course, today's birthday party for my cousin Jimmy. While I don't have any pictures from tonight, I rushed home after my 'realization' and pulled these out of my safe box. Until Ate Queenie posts her photos up, I guess these will do.

Wow! I knew we were the kids at some point! I hope that gave everybody a good smile as much as it did for me tonight. Happy birthday, cousin. See you all soon.

Subject: Being Twenty Something

"They call it the “Quarter-life Crisis.” It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn’t know and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two (*ahem* three), but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.

What you don’t recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren’t really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job…and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn’t.

One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused.

Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lay in bed and wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren’t a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself.….and while winning the race would be great, right now you’d just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Send this to your twenty-something friends…maybe it will help someone feel like they aren’t alone in their state of confusion. You are not alone.”"

-Gina Lu (http://thehouseofcandymonster.blogspot.com/)

9/11 taught me how to be proud, NY showed me how to be fearless

I don't think I would have taken the time to reflect on the events of September 11, 2001 if I had not gone to visit New York city this past Labor Day weekend. New York is unbelievable. The people, the food, the way of life in this city is unlike anything I have seen in all of the places I have been to in my life. It was a place that, in many ways, came off as tough and fearless to the soul. A place where absolutely nothing comes easy. But in many ways, I can understand why. It is a city that has seen war right before its eyes, here on home soil. If life was not hard enough before that crazy day, 9/11 must have given people in New York tougher skin and stronger hearts. And taking a moment to remember just how deeply 9/11 impacted both New York and the entire country made me realize the following: if attacks happened elsewhere in the same way it did on that very day, the people of any other city in America would have fallen, shattered and lost their spirits forever. That's just how strong New York came off as when visiting there.

Life changed for all of us that day, and it's crazy to think that 9/11 is one of those crazy moments where I can say I'm included in that part of the population that remembers where they were when hearing the news. I was a freshman in high school, and I had 2nd period P.E. (which, in my opinion is still the best period to take physical education class - not too hot, not too early, but anyways..), and I remember sitting on my assigned number waiting for Mr. Morrow to come out from the locker room. Once he did, he said to the entire class, "We all live in the craziest of times! People flying planes into buildings and shit!" I didn't know what he meant, and I thought he was just crazy, but by the time I walked into my 3rd period, I saw news coverage and along with everybody else in the world, couldn't believe my eyes.

For me, life before 9/11 was a life of ignorance and taking for granted the country that I live in. Around the time that 9/11 happened, I realized just what kind of sense of fortune I was born into as an American. I had to do nothing, absolutely nothing at all to live in this country and enjoy all of the things that come (and don't come) with being a citizen. After 9/11, I noticed the patriotism for the USA and the pride for the colors red, white and blue just boom in everybody around me. I noticed it in my parents, especially my dad. I noticed it on the news, a proud spirit of America that I had never felt before in my life. After 9/11, it felt as if it was the Fourth of July every day for the next four months. But for myself, my pride had yet to be found. I had yet to discover a reason to be excited about living in America. After all, I didn't know what it felt like to live anywhere else. But the times following the attacks on the World Trade Center, I felt a humbling feeling and a voice inside of me that whispered, Hey you, show some love, will you? You live in a country that just endured a major attack, yet the following day you're still able to go to school and have some milk and cookies. Where else can this happen? 

And that voice/realization was right. Since 9/11, I have not been forced to enlist in the military for the sake of heading to a devastating world war. I have not hid from enemy troops in my own home. I have not had to ration food for myself and my family because of shortages and droughts. As a matter of fact, life continued in its own way. Altered in attitude, but the same in many natures. Only in America are the people this strong.

New York showed me last weekend in many ways what it meant pick yourself up and take on life as fearless as you can be. 9/11 taught me how to be proud. And 8 years later, a vacation allowed me to come full circle.

 

Getting acquainted with the NY subway system for the first time.

St Paul's Church, the oldest building in Manhattan - across the street from WTC, survived the collapse of the two towers. Now known today as "The Little Chapel That Stood."

The 9/11 Memorial Preview Site

 A view of NY from Grand Central Park with Leezel

More photos from my trip to New York City on my Flickr.

Regardless of whether or not you believe that 9/11 was a conspiracy. This video of George W. Bush speaking to workers at the WTC days after the attack is the footage that I will never forget how I felt when watching it for the first time. It gave me chills and still does today! Listen to the crowd cheer, and notice how proud everybody is to be there!





Of course, as a reflection of something as far back as 8 years in the past. It's only right to include footage of how Obama remembers 9/11 for the first time as President. Rest in peace, to all who were lost on 9/11.



I loved this song that I just heard off of the new Jay-z album, Blueprint 3.Empire State of Mind feat. Alicia Keys. Let's hear it for New York!